A Picture Hides a Hundred Things

She seems to reek of happiness. The new house, the cute baby, the sports car, the great teaching job, the loving husband with his own successful IT consultancy business. They do paint a pretty picture. Everything looks so perfect, so grand. And there you are, wondering if she really had it all.

The scene behind the picture is not always what it seems.

His sudden burst of temper. His questioning of her competency. She doubts if she's a good mother. The growing distance between them that he doesn't acknowledge. And yet, he pushes the invisible gap wider and wider. She reaches out and he backs off. She back offs and he turns away. He is always right, and if she thinks he isn't then it is she who doesn't understand. She says sorry, too often. The baby cries, he snaps, yells, and on a few occasions raised his hand ready to slap. She begs of him to help her, to seek help, to help them both, to save themselves. He looks away.

Bruised ego, lost identities. But they do paint a pretty picture, they do.

Wondering

I'm dragging my feet. And I can't say I'm ready or not.

It's a big deal. Uprooting myself and wondering if I will make it there. Have I grown beyond the age of making trying new things, getting a new job, making new friends, working hard, and trying to find my way? I should be 'settled' already, shouldn't I? Then why am I still seeking? What am I looking for? Who am I?

Somewhere out there, there will be people who will give me this -_- look and think "What a loser!". Do I care? Should I care?

I suppose if there is no fear, there would be no purpose to lead this life. To keep trying to find that right path to take. To want to get it right for yourself. There will be heartbreaks, that's for sure. Disappointments. Self loath. But if you try and take risks, there will also be bright sparks, if you care to look.

And hope. There's always hope.

Moving On

Melbourne or Sydney?

Culture, Cool factors... Change.

Only One?

I think it is important that you can be alone.

Solidarity is not an easy thing to embrace. But I believe once you really get to know yourself and find that inner peace, you will want to have a moment to yourself to savour it. And tell everyone to go away.

I believe you can be alone without being lonely.

People crowd your thoughts sometimes, and not allowing you to take deep breaths. Sometimes you think you need to be around people to be feel real: to be acknowledged, to be wanted, to be touched. Maybe all you really need is a cup of tea.

I know that you can be alone and not feel sad.

Happiness is a state of mind. The more you have, the more you think you need. Less is more. Simplify your life. Maybe then you'll know what it feels to be on the other side. See things from another perspective. But know thyself.

Solidarity can be more than just you.

An Adult Relationship

I have an adult relationship

with a man who understands why we need to laugh

who knows why sometimes I need to cry

who accepts we both have flaws

and have feelings after all.

I have an adult relationship

with a man who listens when I need to talk

who tells me when he needs share

who speaks softly to me when I yell

and it calms me down enough to hear my own thoughts.

I have an adult relationship

with a man who knows a thing or two about respect

who shows gratitude to those whom least expect it

who readily lends a hand

even when you don't think you're ready to reach out.

I have an adult relationship

with a man who teaches me humility

who holds dear to simple things because he had it all

who understands the value of the intangibles

like friendship, trust, respect and love.

Dampness

She looked down at her feet, and felt the murkiness between her toes.
Droplets of rain tickled her neck.

The cool dampness felt calming against her warm skin.
She breathed in the stale smell of the streets, its greyness swept by a misty film.
As she lifted her chin to the skies, she spied a rainbow in between the concrete timbers, and reached over to hold his hand.

About A Boy

I had a friend…

my song without music,
my essay without words,

I had a friend…
my reflection in water,
my shadow in light.

I had a friend…
my opposite of love,
my antonym of foe.

I had a friend,
a boy who couldn’t stay,
a boy who ran away.