She seems to reek of happiness. The new house, the cute baby, the sports car, the great teaching job, the loving husband with his own successful IT consultancy business. They do paint a pretty picture. Everything looks so perfect, so grand. And there you are, wondering if she really had it all.
The scene behind the picture is not always what it seems.
His sudden burst of temper. His questioning of her competency. She doubts if she's a good mother. The growing distance between them that he doesn't acknowledge. And yet, he pushes the invisible gap wider and wider. She reaches out and he backs off. She back offs and he turns away. He is always right, and if she thinks he isn't then it is she who doesn't understand. She says sorry, too often. The baby cries, he snaps, yells, and on a few occasions raised his hand ready to slap. She begs of him to help her, to seek help, to help them both, to save themselves. He looks away.
Bruised ego, lost identities. But they do paint a pretty picture, they do.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Wondering
I'm dragging my feet. And I can't say I'm ready or not.
It's a big deal. Uprooting myself and wondering if I will make it there. Have I grown beyond the age of making trying new things, getting a new job, making new friends, working hard, and trying to find my way? I should be 'settled' already, shouldn't I? Then why am I still seeking? What am I looking for? Who am I?
Somewhere out there, there will be people who will give me this -_- look and think "What a loser!". Do I care? Should I care?
I suppose if there is no fear, there would be no purpose to lead this life. To keep trying to find that right path to take. To want to get it right for yourself. There will be heartbreaks, that's for sure. Disappointments. Self loath. But if you try and take risks, there will also be bright sparks, if you care to look.
And hope. There's always hope.
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